Love At First Sight is Real
Love At First Sight is Real
Years ago, I read something about Katherine Heigl regarding her marriage to Josh Kelley. She made me think differently because before I assumed that people now don’t care about getting married anymore, they just get together then live together.
Miss Katherine Heigl is different, according to her; they decided not to live together to reserve something different for the marriage. I am paraphrasing but what she said is here. I’ve always admire her ever since I started watching Grey’s Anatomy and even if other people finds it hard to work with her I still like her. Now I admire her more and love her more for her choices in life. I wish that more couples are like them, where they take a grown-up step which is to make a commitment and get married and not just live together.
It’s like she restored some faith on me that I can still make that kind of decision with someone, I just have to make them understand why I don’t want to live together before marriage.
I’m sure some people find it a hassle, stressful, expensive or don’t believe in marriage anymore because of the divorce and annulment statistics but I still believe that there are couple who defy those statistics.
Today, I was lead to this article in Yahoo, Post-Proposal Should I Be More Excited, and it narrated a story of a woman who didn’t feel excited when her boyfriend of more than nine years proposed to her when everyone around her is excited. In her conclusion, to her she and her boyfriend already made that commitment years ago, it’s just not public and legal.
I know there are a lot of reasons why couples wait before they tie the knot such as getting to know each other deeply, saving money for the wedding, the woman got pregnant first, the man is married to his job first, the guy’s priority is his bromance first, they are still chasing their dreams or they want to enjoy life first and the list goes on. They are all valid reasons, so I won’t question them.
Isn’t it that Prince William and Her Highness Kate lived together first before they got married? I remember reading it. I do remember that they did start as friends first so they got the chance to really know each other well.
How about couples who didn’t start as friends, they just started dating when they met? I believe they need time to get to know each other but I don’t think it should take them ten years to decide if s/he is right or not, or their relationship should be permanent or not.
So tell me what’s the problem with marriage? I mean if they’re scared to be tied down, like I mentioned before, the divorce and annulment cases are high, they can add to that or is it really because of the fact that people don’t really have a good judgement anymore in finding their mate that they have to spend ten years of their life, trying to be sure of the other person.
I know that is valid too because I know a lot of couples who stayed longer than ten years but didn’t make it to the altar because some people take ten years to mature or realize that the person on their side will never leave their side anymore but sometimes it’s the opposite too. They believe their special someone will always be there, so they feel relaxed and don’t have the urge to reassure or make their commitment legal.
Did you know that the longest marriage recorded is eighty-eight years? Just a trivia. :p
Is being a couple sounds much better than being a husband and wife? Is it constricting? suffocating? Oh trust me, I know the feeling, I’ve met people like that and they didn’t succeed in changing me and taking away my freedom and independence.
It is not suffocating. I am a person who loves my freedom and independence and I’m not scared to make a commitment, because my solution to that is to marry someone who will understand how important freedom and independence the way I do.
And now what I have in my life are family and friends who understood by rebellious nature, someone they shouldn’t suffocate with their love because I will have the urge to get away from them. I want a commitment, a permanent, good marriage but I’m expecting a harmonious relationship where we still respect our needs to be alone or learn alone.
I know it won’t be a problem to us since we both understand what it feels to like to be suffocated if someone tries to limit our freedom and independence and I know it will work because I know a couple who are together for more than ten years and are not afraid to make the commitment to each other publicly and legally. I want to be like them too. It didn’t take them two years to commit. It’s amazing.
Another reason you should tie the knot right away is if you don’t, someone else can easily steal them away and marry them, but if you’re married, you both have to undergo divorce or annulment first. It takes time, it’s expensive, and it will give you a chance to win them back again. Right? haha.. But if you really love them, you love them enough to let them go to be happy with someone else
How about you? Will you get married? Will you just live in together?
PERSISTENCE ALWAYS PAYS OFF
Attaining a goal is not always easy and at the same time it is not always hard. There are times when you are on the verge of giving up and when you do give up, you will find out that you’re only one inch closer to the goal. Never give up because there’s always a way to reach your goal.
If the path you had chosen did not work out get a reality check, have some self-awareness; know your motivations, and your intentions for achieving this goal. You might be approaching this opportunity the wrong way or trying to achieve this goal for the wrong reasons.
I will admit that I used to question if persistence really pays off because according to my friends, it is my most endearing qualities. I am the friend who always gives advice not to give up and to push forward as always. For I always believe that if you give your every thing to achieve your goal, you will achieve it.
Based from experience, I realized that persistence really pays off. I’ve gained and accomplished things I worked hard for years. Some goals will come to you for a long time to the point that you will think it will never come true but what’s really true is that you will never know how close you are to that goal until you finish that struggle. In the end it will be all worth it.
You must be wondering how did I do it? So let me share things you need to know and understand to attain your goal.
First thing you have to know. To obtain something of great value, something of equal importance must be lost. Because when you do reach that goal, everything is worth it and the happiness outweighs the bad. The things you must lose here is not your sense of self, your free will, and your happiness. You need to lose the fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, and don’t try to figure out how to get there. Make the decision to pursue it, and take the second step which is the action.
The kind of goal you are achieving should not change you and make you someone else, to the point that you will not recognize yourself anymore. The climb on the mountain or the struggle to reach your goal is painful and hard but it should not crush you and disappoint you, to the point that it would make you dysfunctional and unrecognizable to your loved ones.
Second thing you need to know is sometimes the path to your goal is not clear. One of the secrets in taking control of your life and do what you love to do is to learn to you control the power of your subconscious mind. According to research, when you want something, tell your brain what you want, your conscious mind will lock your focus to the goal through RAS (Reticular activating system) and your unconscious mind will unlock the path towards your goal. You will get your answer of how to get there. Your RAS helps in filtering information of your brain and affects what you focus your attention to. It is also responsible for the brain and body movements. RAS is the key to a coherent mind. Remember: Your RAS will work for you objectively but emotions can bog it or overwhelm it. So remain objective.
Third thing you need to know is show up everyday and do something about it, show your emotions and intent to make sure that you are not the only one who’s going to benefit but also the people will benefit from you. You will never know where a business partner or a boss will give you a break when he sees that you really interested and passionate about your goal.
Fourth thing is when you feel like you’ve hit the plateau, you’re doing something everyday but nothing seems to be moving forward. You are wrong. You won’t be able to see the changes or the improvement because you are looking introspectively. You need to see things from the outside. And it is the time to push harder. Sometimes the plateau is one of the tests that will try you critically and emotionally but if you hold on to your goals, you will pass the test with flying colours.
An example is, I have big expectations for the choir, we’ve been training for two months and we’re having problems with our choir moderator. She’s too busy to fit us in her schedule but we’ve all compromise. I’m thinking that I’m wasting my time on the choir because we are all in a stand still and that we are not improving. The choir is not meeting my expectations. Last not, I realized that I was wrong. After singing for the mass, someone approached us and praised us profusely how we sound good, that she likes our voice control, and we inspired her as we sung in acapella. She asked us if she could still join in the choir. I really hope that our choir ministry will let her join us, because we need more members, particularly an Alto for the choir.
Firth thing you need to learn is remain focus on your goal and don’t let obstacles and negative emotions to get to you or hinder you from moving forward. Obstacles make you stronger and emotions are like distractions or a reality check if you still want the same goal. If you have the same goal, move forward, if you think your goals have changed, it’s time to find a different goal. It’s important to keep a positive attitude and keep positive people around you.
Sixth thing you need to know is you are not alone. In the fight to reach our goal, we may have different goals but there are other people who are just like you. We all feel the same: the hardship, the sacrifice, the pain, and the urge to give up.
Seventh thing is you need to show your intent and the benefits you and the others will get from your goal. A boss or a business partner usually keeps rejecting you or your goal when they don’t see that they will benefit from it. You need to load your big guns and shoot the targets directly and aimlessly as much as you can. You need to make them see the appeal and the demand of what you have and the others doesn’t.
Eighth thing you need to learn is you only fail when you give up. Have you heard of the quote that every success story has a give up chapter? It’s a good thing; Einstein did not give up on his theory of gravity-the general theory of relativity because in 2011 a group of scientists has just proven it.
Another Einstein’s success is the research that just came out this year of May, where researchers used a new method using Einstein’s theory of Relativity.
And now, another researcher name David Weinstein is just improving Einstein’s Radical theory. His appeal just came out this year in the month of June. They are considering of calling him the next Einstein.
Ninth thing you need to know is program your mind in the morning. Meditate, close your eyes, clear your mind, and listen to your breathing for a few minutes without any worry or thought. Tell yourself what your long term and short goals are. Tell yourself and believe that you are going to accomplish your short term goal and a short term goal towards your long term goal. You might have tons of short term goals for the day, but always show up or do something or a small thing towards your goal.
Tenth thing you need to know is have a coherent heart. From my last post, I mentioned this but I didn’t explain to achieve it. I found heard about the coherent heart last year from the Institute of HeartMath page. According to their research, one of their practices is the Coherence technique.
The coherence technique brings your heart and your brain into a more aligned state and physiological level. It opens up the brain to experience the positive emotional state that we want more in our life. Research shows that if we shift into a coherent state, the heart and the brain operate synergistic-ally, like two systems mesh into one. It can learn to activate the sustained synergy between the heart and the brain and prevent stress-producing patterns along with increasing our mental clarity and discerning capacity.
Let me explain that what’s cited above is just a suggestion; the best thing to do is apply what’s suitable for your need. You can come up with own things to help you attain your goal. Do what will work best for you.
Being a water-bearer, I never figure out why words and ideas easily come to me every time I touch water until now. According to my sign, air sign, Aquarius, ruled by Saturn and Uranus, is called a water-bearer because they are good with communications. They’re ability to communications flows like water in the river.
From experience, when I wash dishes, or while I’m in the shower, ideas would flow in my mind like water. So after finishing my chores or practising good hygiene, I will pick up a pen and notebook or sit in front of my laptop and start writing. When I write I first decide what kind of personality I want my characters to have, then decide what their zodiac signs is, and then add mannerisms, interests, contradictions and experiences that will make them unpredictable and interesting.
I always love to learn how to read people like a book. According to my temperament, based on Personality Plus by Florence Littauer and Kiersey Temperament sorter by David Kiersey, being a Melancholy and a Healer (INFJ or ENFJ results), we have strong empathic abilities and well developed to intuition to be adept in sensing and reading people’s personality, and be aware of their emotions and intents even before they existed in the person. I didn’t know about that until I took those tests in 2009 but when I was young, I just always love the idea of being able to read minds.
I started observing and reading about personalities, and personality theories, taking different kinds of personality tests, read astrology profiles then get familiar with them and apply it to people I know since high school until now. I usually show my best friend about my discoveries and ask her to answer those tests as well. It helps to have another insight that is different from mine because she sees and notice things and vice versa. As long as it’s about people’s behaviour I always learn and apply it to people I know. I teach her about everything I know and vice versa.
Ever since then, it’s easy much easier for me to understand other people’s actions when they disappoint me, hurt me or anger me because I can easily put my self into their shoes, and I get a sense of their personality.
Years ago, I’ve always thought you need years to know a person, but now not any more. People do that to make sure they won’t get hurt and to make sure they will keep people in their life that will be a good influence to them and someone who will ground them. I’m not saying that you should just jump into a relationship without trying to get to know them, what I’m saying is you don’t need to spend five to ten years to get to know someone.
From my experience, according to my best friend, I’ve always been mysterious, aloof, detach and I pushed everyone away but she and my other best friend are persistent. They we’re the ones who got through my wall, and somehow brought out the real me. I’ve realized that no matter how long you know the person, they can still surprise you.
Now, I spend or talk to a person in one day, observe their speech, the kinds of clothes they wear, observe the people they make friends with, the kind of person they get involve with, the kind of job they do, the kind of workout they do, the kind of songs they listen to, do they play instruments or not, the kind of sport they do and if they love animals or not. I get a sense of their personality right away and the kind of person they are. I find out soon enough if this person is being real with me or if he’s showing me a front.
It’s always effective to talk in person as always but talking to people in the internet, or tweeting with them works too because a person can’t always put a front online, usually they are more expressive and they don’t filter their words. If they lie online, I’ll know too because their actions, don’t much their words.
I’m not always right, my judgments are just almost always right and I’ve learned to filter the people in my life who are going to be a good influence to me rather a distraction or a hindrance to my dreams and my future. I know who to trust and not to trust, and I know when to listen to their advice and when to not. I firmly believe that I’m good in making friends online because I always find gems that changes my life for the better and makes me become a better person.
Just like the line from the Sandra Bullock’s movie, “While You Were Sleeping”, you don’t need years to get know a person, sometimes all you need is a day. Okay I’m a paraphrasing, I don’t remember the exact words but I know the message. I used to believe the opposite, but now not any more.
As an Aquarius, they call us the water-bearer because our ability to communicate is like flowing water in the river. People say I always have a knack for reading people and giving insights and advises.
My friends from the Nursing Board Review, used to tease me and call me Al Gora, the female version of Al Gore because what always come out of my mouth is an inconvenient truth, a universal truth or something enlightening. According to my friends, they always learn things from me and their lives get better.
I’m not going to boast and say that’s true. What I believe is that every person I meet will teach me something and vice versa and we change each other lives for the better.
One of my best relationships is with my best friend, she’s a Sagittarius. It is understandable because they are smart people, philosophers, embraces changing for the better, and lover of freedom, independence and individuality. Something an Aquarius shares with them, other qualities of an Aquarius that he shares with Sagittarius are adventures, exploring new things, and getting new experiences. She brought out the best in me just like I brought out the best in her and also because our signs are in conjunction as the stars have said.
The palm reader we went before told us that us being best of friends, is meant to be because we have a lot to learn from each other. We are compatible in every way and we fuel each other with support, optimism, sensibility, honesty, loyalty, intimacy, and responsibility. We would always joke if I’m a guy, she’d totally marry me, just like I’d marry her, if she’s a guy. We have differences of course, we have different principles and beliefs sometimes and personality profile , but we could have the same zodiac signs because of some same ideals, we balance each other just fine. We have the best experiences and done crazy things together.
People I’m usually drawn too, they always either have my best friend’s zodiac sign or her temperament but I have to admit I’ve notice that I have lots of Sagittarius friends, men and women but it doesn’t mean I don’t have other friends with other signs of course.
Another discovery I made is aside from Sagittarius, I also make good friends with some Capricorn, Virgo, Libra, Aries, Taurus, Pisces, and Scorpio. I just get along most with Sagittarius, then Capricorn, and then Virgo.
That’s how I find people to keep in my life permanently. How about you? How do you filter people in your life?
I’ve been trying to write this post for years now, but it seems that I couldn’t get to the right recipe until now.
First let me share a line from my friend’s wedding years ago. The last line from her speech is that she’s ready for the changes her husband is going to get through. I thought it was odd because men and women in relationships always say don’t change and be yourself but eventually I realized that’s one of the common reasons of failed relationships and marriages aside from differences, distance, being a workaholic and infidelity.
Years ago, I also wrote two posts, to never settle with the second best, but I’ve realized as well I’m wrong about that too. Of course, I’m not going to say that you should never settle with the first choice, but settle with the second choice. Instead I’ll say settle with the last and final choice. I have a friend, and she was so in love with this guy back in college. She’s so in love with him to the point that she built her life around him. This is the guy she targeted to be with for the rest of her life.
At first we didn’t know if he’s also interested in her but it seems so because he was being teased by his friends to her. As time passed by we found that he did like her but he’s into someone else more. He may have like her at one point but it’s not enough. Later a friend of ours introduced a guy to us and told us that he is interested with my friend. He asked her out and sh e agreed but she turned him down, I’m not sure but in my opinion, he’s reaction to her when she rejected him is he’s being bitter but at the same time he is being honest with himself. He said that she’s being arrogant, it’s not like the guy she loves has feelings for her. I’m paraphrasing so those are not the exact words. In the end she gave him a second chance.
I didn’t like the guy the first time because there’s something about him that I couldn’t pinpoint that makes me think she’s going to have a hard time getting rid of him in her life and I thought that getting involve with him is too fast when they hardly know each other and they both have strong personalities. So I believed it’s not going to work. At that time, I was right about my judgement about the guy but wrong about their relationship not working out too. What’s funny is, every time they fight, I always find myself siding with him.
Revelation #1, as years passed by, my best friend and I got to know him more, and as we became good friends, I realized why there was something mysterious, I couldn’t define in him and that is because this guy is the younger and immature version of me. He’s got my sign but he almost has the same personality with my friend. He is like me because we share the qualities of being to persistent, and stubborn to give up. My best friend highlighted a lot of times that her boyfriend has a lot of patience with her and he’s very persistent. He pursued her non stop. He’s dogmatic just like me.
Nine years later, they are still together and their relationship became stronger and they are both sure of each other of being the one.
Revelation #2, he is supposedly just the second choice but he turns out to be the best and final choice for her. He turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her. I have to admit that I used to doubt my friend’s feelings for him because he’s just a second choice and because I know her so well. But recently she told me that he taught her, and showed her a lot of things she didn’t know and haven’t experienced yet. They grew up together. She had grown attached to him and he is a big lost to her. I actually used to tell her that he loves her more than she loves him. She’s a Sagittarius, she’s a flirt, she loves her freedom and her independence. That’s some of the qualities we share that is why we became best of friends.
For the last ten years that I’ve known her, she’s done good and bad things, there are some that I tried to show some leniency because I understand her personality but I tell her the truth and I correct her if I disapprove of her behaviour. I know she’s a flirt but I know she’s not going to cheat on her boyfriend. We already had that discussion, we know that it’s always easy to cheat with someone especially when he’s not the one, and there are other million reasons for cheating.
My friend is capable of blunt honesty. When we have fights with her, her words hurt like knives but we forgave her when we have fights in the past because we understand her personality.
I also tell myself I won’t get involve with a guy with her personality and that I don’t want to be a second choice. Well, surprise! It happened but it didn’t work out unfortunately.
Sometimes the one is not the person we like the most or isn’t the person we perceive him to be that’s what I learned from my best friend.
We always get our heart broken because we always go for the superficial and because we built our lives and plan our future including that person when we hardly know him at all. We don’t look deeper. What I learned from experience is that we should always go beyond our perceptions and impressions they create within us. I don’t really go for guys with looks; I usually go with my heart which is wrong too. I did it because I lived my life before always doing what I don’t like and not taking action in getting what I want.
So if you ask me, if I want to be a second choice? I’ll say, I don’t care if I’m even the hundredth choice, I will make sure that I am the best, the last and final choice. I’m a one and done kind of girl, I’m tired of playing around. I’m in it for the long haul and from now on I’m looking for someone who’s going to grow with me and be with me permanently. Someone who’s willing to take a chance on me even if I’m not the person he set on for.
Revelation #3 is we shouldn’t control the person we love not to change but instead we should be ready to accept them for who they are, and be ready to accept them as they grow and change for the better.
The truth is you can’t prevent your heart from being broken, because love is an invitation for pain. The good thing about loving and being truly loved back is after your heart gets broken in every fight or misunderstanding, you won’t be alone picking up the pieces.
We all need to discipline our heart. We need to have a coherent heart with our mind to find the best, the last and final choice.
“It also made it easier for me to accept that Dave was just brought into my life to teach me, move me, and inspire me to be myself and be the best person that I can be.
I can fully say if I didn’t fall as bad as I did, I wouldn’t be the person I am now, which is much better, much happier, and much closer to God. If I get a chance to live my life differently, I wouldn’t change anything.”
Story of my heart…
Originally posted on The Love & Life Project:
I met Dave online in 2011. We began chatting a lot. When I am interested in a guy, I try to find out if he is single or not and I thought that the coast was clear. All I knew was, this was lovely. So every time we chat, I just feel so excited and…
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Letting go is one of the hardest and the most liberating thing a person can do.
You let go of the impossible goals you’ve set on for.
You let go of the feelings towards people who puts you in a bad situation.
And become fully self-actualized in a moment when you gained something from losing something really important.
Yesterday, I was at the church, and the priest talked about letting go. He explained that letting go will lead you to greatest happiness you never thought you’ll ever have, bring into a state of balance and stability and learned and understand at one point that everything happens for a reason, and what’s meant to be will happen as long as you trust and believe.
It was such good timing because I’m on a verge of letting go or I’ve been slowly letting go of the fantasy I think will become a reality years from now. That’s not to say, I’m not going to have the last effort to make this fantasy come true. Well, it won’t really come true, days had passed, and I realized that my interest on it is decreasing day by day. Maybe because I’m finally getting out for good from my bubble I constructed to protect myself and my future or maybe because I’m starting to see things I haven’t been seeing before. Making the last effort for it is to prove to myself that what I learned about it is not really meant to be.
Another thing that letting go creates in your life, it gives you something important to you too.
I gained something, not just one but a lot of more. And I am more than grateful because it never occurred to me that it would happen.
I gained the opportunity to do what I love, writing. I got another chance to pursue my other passion, singing, and my passion for the piano that I’ve lost maybe eleven or twelve years ago is back. Getting them back in my life made me the happiest person because I gave them up years ago.
God has been really good to me this year, not that he hasn’t been good in the previous years. I have to admit I’ve lost my way and became distrustful compared to how I was before in high school.
This year, what happened to me, made me somehow self-actualized. Letting go led me to my peak experience I’ve become much more happier, accepting, appreciative, grateful, considerate, positive, beautiful inside and out, confident about myself, active than I was before, more open-minded, it has given me more perspectives, made me think out of the box more often and see things differently.
You should try it too! It’s not easy, it’s hard, and very painful but it’s worth it. I assure you that.
Trust my word when I say that if it’s meant to be, it will happen and if it’s not something better will be given to you.
Mentor is a word; I will never describe myself due to the linked responsibilities and accountability it holds. Whether I like it or not, a couple of my friends calls me that, they also call me a Guro regarding, Life, Relationship, and Sex.
It all started out when I decided to answer questions in Yahoo Answers. At first, it was just about getting points, and then it developed to wanting to help more people and wanting to share what I know to other people. It didn’t matter to me if I get points or not, all I cared about is trying to answer their questions with everything I know. It wasn’t easy. Sometimes other people won’t choose your answer and sometimes, there are answers that are much better than yours.
I’ve met a lot of people online from Yahoo Answers; they come and go but the ones I never forget are the ones who chose my answer as the best answer to their question. One day, I encountered a person questioning his behavior around the people he knows. He wants to become a better person and make friends. I can’t remember much the specifics of his question, but just like what I did with the other questions, I answered it the best I could.
He chose my answer as the best answer and asked me if I could answer his other question about his relationship with his girlfriend. I also answered it and again he also chose it as the best answer.
I’m so happy that I helped him, and next think I know he added me to his email and we became friends. We still talk to each other until now. We’ve both been a great help with each other because we both provide different perspectives to our own problems. He’s like my little brother. We’re even friends in Facebook, and he’s the one who calls me his mentor. We check up on each other until now and I still give him advises from time to time when asks me.
As for my other close friends, they asked me advises about their relationships, friendships, career and their sex lives. It’s such a great feeling when I’m able to help them or when I imparted something I know that they don’t. It’s the best and most rewarding feeling.
Honestly it’s been a long time since I’ve done it but I do miss the feeling of giving solutions to familiar situations or experiences that I’ve gone through or the people I know have gone through.
How about you? Would you try mentoring as well? Share your thoughts or suggestions.