To Marry or To Live In?

Years ago, I read something about Katherine Heigl regarding her marriage to Josh Kelley. She made me think differently because before I assumed that people now don’t care about getting married anymore, they just get together then live together.

Miss Katherine Heigl is different, according to her; they decided not to live together to reserve something different for the marriage. I am paraphrasing but what she said is here. I’ve always admire her ever since I started watching Grey’s Anatomy and even if other people finds it hard to work with her I still like her. Now I admire her more and love her more for her choices in life. I wish that more couples are like them, where they take a grown-up step which is to make a commitment and get married and not just live together.

It’s like she restored some faith on me that I can still make that kind of decision with someone, I just have to make them understand why I don’t want to live together before marriage.

I’m sure some people find it a hassle, stressful, expensive or don’t believe in marriage anymore because of the divorce and annulment statistics but I still believe that there are couple who defy those statistics.

Today, I was lead to this article in Yahoo, Post-Proposal Should I Be More Excited, and it narrated a story of a woman who didn’t feel excited when her boyfriend of more than nine years proposed to her when everyone around her is excited. In her conclusion, to her she and her boyfriend already made that commitment years ago, it’s just not public and legal.

I know there are a lot of reasons why couples wait before they tie the knot such as getting to know each other deeply, saving money for the wedding, the woman got pregnant first, the man is married to his job first, the guy’s priority is his bromance first, they are still chasing their dreams or they want to enjoy life first and the list goes on. They are all valid reasons, so I won’t question them.

Isn’t it that Prince William and Her Highness Kate lived together first before they got married? I remember reading it. I do remember that they did start as friends first so they got the chance to really know each other well.

How about couples who didn’t start as friends, they just started dating when they met? I believe they need time to get to know each other but I don’t think it should take them ten years to decide if s/he is right or not, or their relationship should be permanent or not.

So tell me what’s the problem with marriage? I mean if they’re scared to be tied down, like I mentioned before, the divorce and annulment cases are high, they can add to that or is it really because of the fact that people don’t really have a good judgement anymore in finding their mate that they have to spend ten years of their life, trying to be sure of the other person.

I know that is valid too because I know a lot of couples who stayed longer than ten years but didn’t make it to the altar because some people take ten years to mature or realize that the person on their side will never leave their side anymore but sometimes it’s the opposite too. They believe their special someone will always be there, so they feel relaxed and don’t have the urge to reassure or make their commitment legal.

Did you know that the longest marriage recorded is eighty-eight years? Just a trivia. :p

Is being a couple sounds much better than being a husband and wife? Is it constricting? suffocating? Oh trust me, I know the feeling, I’ve met people like that and they didn’t succeed in changing me and taking away my freedom and independence.

It is not suffocating. I am a person who loves my freedom and independence and I’m not scared to make a commitment, because my solution to that is to marry someone who will understand how important freedom and independence the way I do.

And now what I have in my life are family and friends who understood by rebellious nature, someone they shouldn’t suffocate with their love because I will have the urge to get away from them. I want a commitment, a permanent, good marriage but I’m expecting a harmonious relationship where we still respect our needs to be alone or learn alone.

I know it won’t be a problem to us since we both understand what it feels to like to be suffocated if someone tries to limit our freedom and independence and I know it will work because I know a couple who are together for more than ten years and are not afraid to make the commitment to each other publicly and legally. I want to be like them too. It didn’t take them two years to commit. It’s amazing.

Another reason you should tie the knot right away is if you don’t, someone else can easily steal them away and marry them, but if you’re married, you both have to undergo divorce or annulment first. It takes time, it’s expensive, and it will give you a chance to win them back again. Right? haha.. But if you really love them, you love them enough to let them go to be happy with someone else

How about you? Will you get married? Will you just live in together?


Letting Go For Good

Letting go is one of the hardest and the most liberating thing a person can do.

You let go of the impossible goals you’ve set on for.

You let go of the feelings towards people who puts you in a bad situation.

And become fully self-actualized in a moment when you gained something from losing something really important.

Yesterday, I was at the church, and the priest talked about letting go. He explained that letting go will lead you to greatest happiness you never thought you’ll ever have, bring into a state of balance and stability and learned and understand at one point that everything happens for a reason, and what’s meant to be will happen as long as you trust and believe.

It was such good timing because I’m on a verge of letting go or I’ve been slowly letting go of the fantasy I think will become a reality years from now. That’s not to say, I’m not going to have the last effort to make this fantasy come true. Well, it won’t really come true, days had passed, and I realized that my interest on it is decreasing day by day. Maybe because I’m finally getting out for good from my bubble I constructed to protect myself and my future or maybe because I’m starting to see things I haven’t been seeing before. Making the last effort for it is to prove to myself that what I learned about it is not really meant to be.

Another thing that letting go creates in your life, it gives you something important to you too.

I gained something, not just one but a lot of more. And I am more than grateful because it never occurred to me that it would happen.

I gained the opportunity to do what I love, writing. I got another chance to pursue my other passion, singing, and my passion for the piano that I’ve lost maybe eleven or twelve years ago is back. Getting them back in my life made me the happiest person because I gave them up years ago.

God has been really good to me this year, not that he hasn’t been good in the previous years. I have to admit I’ve lost my way and became distrustful compared to how I was before in high school.

This year, what happened to me, made me somehow self-actualized. Letting go led me to my peak experience I’ve become much more happier, accepting, appreciative, grateful, considerate, positive, beautiful inside and out, confident about myself, active than I was before, more open-minded, it has given me more perspectives, made me think out of the box more often and see things differently.

You should try it too! It’s not easy, it’s hard, and very painful but it’s worth it. I assure you that.

Trust my word when I say that if it’s meant to be, it will happen and if it’s not something better will be given to you.

Silencing the mind and Staying positive

Feeling Irritable? Tension and Unhappiness?

If you are experiencing what everyone refers to as PMS, Premenstrual Syndrome. Well I’m sorry you’re suffering it too but let me remind you that you are strong person and that men never experience this, so they don’t know how to carry this pain, control ourselves and still work, take care of our children, and still be able to wash clothes and do housework in our entire days before our actual period

It is said that in our modern time, that the abbreviation is used frequently in English-speaking countries according to Wikipedia. My only question is how much of the men in our life actually understands what we women go through?

I am fine with my work but when you work in a man’s world, and spending more than 9 hours a day with guys who are younger than you, it is actually fun and torture at the same time.

First is talking to them is like talking to a bunch of 12 years old, all you get are jokes and you rarely get a serious answer. So I keep requesting my employer to hire someone a little older that I can relate with.

A few months ago, I went to work and I was experiencing PMS. I got to my table and sat resting then my work husband started flirting with me and bantering with me but the problem is I wasn’t in the mood. So we ended up in a fight that day but like we always do, we made up the next day.

Yeah, he’s my work husband because we have a really good chemistry but apart from that nothing, no serious conversion.

Of course sometimes they are capable of surprising you too. It was lunch and my work husband and I met and he noticed that I bought my pad. He was trying to grab it from my hands but I was fast so he didn’t see it. Then he said “Oh I know what that is, I keep seeing it from my mom and my sister”. Whew! Thank God for mom’s and sister’s existence in his life.

Guys in my work are so young that I always end up being the understanding one all the time. It actually makes me lonely sometimes because it’s hard when you there’s no other girl at work to talk to. I have to keep to myself. It makes me miss my best friend like hell but her schedule at work is the opposite of mine. I’m so tired and exhausted, I don’t have time to meet anyone or even go to the mall for that matter.

So it makes me wonder if a relationship with a guy like him would work, maybe it will if he’s older and more mature because I’m older than him.

And the last guy I’ve fallen for can be described as a decade older than me.

Somehow it also reminds me of the show, NCIS Los Angeles character Deeks. I certainly applaud Kensi to have the patience to spend some time with Deeks because my work husband is very much like Deeks. I used to wish to meet someone and fall for a guy who is similar to my personality because I know and I am very confident that I can handle it but I was wrong.

Ever since meeting my work husband five months ago, I was blown away and he makes me insane. He doesn’t have my personality I think but we have similarities so I’ve taken back what I said that I don’t wanna fall for a guy who’s got my best friend’s personality. I am succumbing to the fact that there’s no one else I rather be friends with, there’s no one else I rather fall for, and there’s no one I rather spend the rest of my life with than with a guy who’s got my best friend’s personality unfortunately.

It is unfortunate because this guy’s personality is stronger than mine and he’s got a control over me that I refuse to give but whether I like it or not, it is something I will succumb to all the time if he doesn’t stop annoying me.

I know that it is a cycle of life that we don’t really end up with the people we set on for, we usually end up with the people we least think were ever going to love and someone opposite than us.

Well, that’s what happen to me, I fell for a guy I promise myself I never wanted to end up with years ago.

Okay, so now that our conversation took off on its own, let’s go back to the real topic.

How to get through the day of PMS? It’s easy, be happy about the things that makes you happy, little things and big things. There are not really little when you think of them but sometimes I know they feel little compared to some of the things you really wanted in your life.

Remind yourself what it is. As for me, every time I am down, I remind myself of what I’ve been through and what I’ve accomplished last year.

I have a long way to go to the end of the rainbow but I know it will come. I trust God with all my heart that it will come at the right place and time. I just have to be patient and hang in here. Don’t get angry. Don’t get mad.

According to Carolyn Myss, “The soul always know what to do to heal itself, the challenge is to silence the mind.”

It makes a lot of sense to me so rather than letting your mind get to you, let’s practice silencing the mind and staying positive no matter what.

I’m positive. I believe. I had taken that blessing from God that He will give it to me.

Motivation Drives US

Writing my first draft has been a slow process to me but it’s going.

So today I ask myself, what should I do to bring back the confidence I have in writing from the start this first in a different format.

Writing this before as a novel is actually an exciting, moving process for me. I don’t have a writer’s block, I’m just not feeling inspired. I’m not depress, I just feel sad. Anyway enough making excuses, it’s time to motivate myself.

Before I decided  to move on from this guy, I’m so confident that we’re meant to be because all the signs point to him, all evidence, science, logic, and even God’s signs. I am now moving on, I feel great about myself. I don’t think less of myself because I know my personality, my sign, my strengths and my weaknesses. Now that I have moved on at one point, I will admit that all those signs still points to him. So why am I not confident anymore?

It’s easy, because I’ve let the past get to me. I need to learn to ignore it and focus myself on the positive things and those positive signs. Yes, I’m moving on and at one point had moved on, but those signs gives me security, assurance, and confidence for the future that God has plans for me or is holding something for me at the end of the line.

I feel fired up and excited because those signs serves as evidence to me. They are studied, recorded, categorized, and even other people served as witnesses of those signs being true. Those people are my allies and boost to my confidence.

So by the end of the day, I’m expecting to finish at least 7 pages of my draft, and then I’m 110 pages to go. I am again excited, confident, proud, and happy about myself.

I just want to say now that I can’t wait to meet my Robin Hood. I know Marian is a strong character but I believe that in the first few stories, she’s actually portrayed as a damsel in distress that needs saving all the time.

I’m strong, I always believed that I don’t need saving because I can take care of myself just fine. In fact I save people all the time from themselves, and their problems and I’m not a damsel in distress but it would be nice to be saved once in a while.

Wish me luck! If you have problems, ask me and I’ll do my best to help and support.