To Marry or To Live In?

Years ago, I read something about Katherine Heigl regarding her marriage to Josh Kelley. She made me think differently because before I assumed that people now don’t care about getting married anymore, they just get together then live together.

Miss Katherine Heigl is different, according to her; they decided not to live together to reserve something different for the marriage. I am paraphrasing but what she said is here. I’ve always admire her ever since I started watching Grey’s Anatomy and even if other people finds it hard to work with her I still like her. Now I admire her more and love her more for her choices in life. I wish that more couples are like them, where they take a grown-up step which is to make a commitment and get married and not just live together.

It’s like she restored some faith on me that I can still make that kind of decision with someone, I just have to make them understand why I don’t want to live together before marriage.

I’m sure some people find it a hassle, stressful, expensive or don’t believe in marriage anymore because of the divorce and annulment statistics but I still believe that there are couple who defy those statistics.

Today, I was lead to this article in Yahoo, Post-Proposal Should I Be More Excited, and it narrated a story of a woman who didn’t feel excited when her boyfriend of more than nine years proposed to her when everyone around her is excited. In her conclusion, to her she and her boyfriend already made that commitment years ago, it’s just not public and legal.

I know there are a lot of reasons why couples wait before they tie the knot such as getting to know each other deeply, saving money for the wedding, the woman got pregnant first, the man is married to his job first, the guy’s priority is his bromance first, they are still chasing their dreams or they want to enjoy life first and the list goes on. They are all valid reasons, so I won’t question them.

Isn’t it that Prince William and Her Highness Kate lived together first before they got married? I remember reading it. I do remember that they did start as friends first so they got the chance to really know each other well.

How about couples who didn’t start as friends, they just started dating when they met? I believe they need time to get to know each other but I don’t think it should take them ten years to decide if s/he is right or not, or their relationship should be permanent or not.

So tell me what’s the problem with marriage? I mean if they’re scared to be tied down, like I mentioned before, the divorce and annulment cases are high, they can add to that or is it really because of the fact that people don’t really have a good judgement anymore in finding their mate that they have to spend ten years of their life, trying to be sure of the other person.

I know that is valid too because I know a lot of couples who stayed longer than ten years but didn’t make it to the altar because some people take ten years to mature or realize that the person on their side will never leave their side anymore but sometimes it’s the opposite too. They believe their special someone will always be there, so they feel relaxed and don’t have the urge to reassure or make their commitment legal.

Did you know that the longest marriage recorded is eighty-eight years? Just a trivia. :p

Is being a couple sounds much better than being a husband and wife? Is it constricting? suffocating? Oh trust me, I know the feeling, I’ve met people like that and they didn’t succeed in changing me and taking away my freedom and independence.

It is not suffocating. I am a person who loves my freedom and independence and I’m not scared to make a commitment, because my solution to that is to marry someone who will understand how important freedom and independence the way I do.

And now what I have in my life are family and friends who understood by rebellious nature, someone they shouldn’t suffocate with their love because I will have the urge to get away from them. I want a commitment, a permanent, good marriage but I’m expecting a harmonious relationship where we still respect our needs to be alone or learn alone.

I know it won’t be a problem to us since we both understand what it feels to like to be suffocated if someone tries to limit our freedom and independence and I know it will work because I know a couple who are together for more than ten years and are not afraid to make the commitment to each other publicly and legally. I want to be like them too. It didn’t take them two years to commit. It’s amazing.

Another reason you should tie the knot right away is if you don’t, someone else can easily steal them away and marry them, but if you’re married, you both have to undergo divorce or annulment first. It takes time, it’s expensive, and it will give you a chance to win them back again. Right? haha.. But if you really love them, you love them enough to let them go to be happy with someone else

How about you? Will you get married? Will you just live in together?

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Being a Mentor

Mentor is a word; I will never describe myself due to the linked responsibilities and accountability it holds. Whether I like it or not, a couple of my friends calls me that, they also call me a Guro regarding, Life, Relationship, and Sex.

It all started out when I decided to answer questions in Yahoo Answers. At first, it was just about getting points, and then it developed to wanting to help more people and wanting to share what I know to other people. It didn’t matter to me if I get points or not, all I cared about is trying to answer their questions with everything I know. It wasn’t easy. Sometimes other people won’t choose your answer and sometimes, there are answers that are much better than yours.

I’ve met a lot of people online from Yahoo Answers; they come and go but the ones I never forget are the ones who chose my answer as the best answer to their question. One day, I encountered a person questioning his behavior around the people he knows. He wants to become a better person and make friends. I can’t remember much the specifics of his question, but just like what I did with the other questions, I answered it the best I could.

He chose my answer as the best answer and asked me if I could answer his other question about his relationship with his girlfriend. I also answered it and again he also chose it as the best answer.

I’m so happy that I helped him, and next think I know he added me to his email and we became friends. We still talk to each other until now. We’ve both been a great help with each other because we both provide different perspectives to our own problems. He’s like my little brother. We’re even friends in Facebook, and he’s the one who calls me his mentor. We check up on each other until now and I still give him advises from time to time when asks me.

As for my other close friends, they asked me advises about their relationships, friendships, career and their sex lives. It’s such a great feeling when I’m able to help them or when I imparted something I know that they don’t. It’s the best and most rewarding feeling.

Honestly it’s been a long time since I’ve done it but I do miss the feeling of giving solutions to familiar situations or experiences that I’ve gone through or the people I know have gone through.

How about you? Would you try mentoring as well? Share your thoughts or suggestions.